Thinking

My mother died on November 13, 2005 when my son was 10 months old. If there is a year in existence that entirely changed my life, it's the year I both became a mother and lost a mother. My mother had been suffering numerous illnesses for about five years prior to her death, so while her death was not unexpected, it was nonetheless difficult to bear.

So of course I still think about my mother on a daily basis, perhaps even more so now that I have two children, and for the rest of my life I'll wish she was still here and healthy. Most of the time when I think about her it's with the wish that I could share something with her. I watched the movie Waitress and thought, "Mom would have liked this movie." I read Pomegranate Soup and thought, "Mom would have liked this book." We received a brick of Irish cheese for Christmas, and whenever I eat a piece, I think, "Mom would have liked this cheese." (It's true. She would have. The woman did know her cheese).

It's both bittersweet and kind of comforting. I want her to still be here so I can share new finds with her, but I'm glad that when I think of her, it's not always in the context of her being sick. I remember the type of things she enjoyed, what would have made her laugh, what she would have liked discussing. I wonder what she would think of things. I want her opinion. I want to talk to her again.

Having a great time, Mom. Wish you were here.